Yeah, so I didn’t like this movie, but I might be a special case. I was taught Greek mythology from a very early age-concurrently, in fact, with stories like Little Red Riding Hood and Cinderella. I loved the Greek myths, and as a result I grew to hate most of the movies, games, and books that branched off of them, as they were usually grossly inaccurate. I can’t even watch Disney’s Hercules without getting pissed off. Zeus is shown as having a loving relationship with his wife Hera (fun fact: they’re also brother and sister), when in reality Zeus was the Charlie Sheen of mythological deities, in that he was single-handedly responsible for nearly every pregnancy in Greek history. So being a Greek-Myth purist, this movie might have been ruined for me from the start. I’m sure plenty of people will say that they enjoyed this movie, shortly before being dragged out of the theater for trying to dig through the floor in search of the lost city of Moletopia; such people undoubtedly suffer from severe brain-damage

The setup of the movie is as simple as it is generic: long ago, during the war between Cronos’s army of Titans and Zeus’s army of Gods, Zeus commissions Hades to create the Kraken from his own flesh to destroy the Titans, as well as ruin the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels. When the war is over, Zeus rewards Hades for his hard work by screwing him over and making him ruler of the Underworld, a realm that is slightly less depressing than reading the list of books Twilight has outsold, but still pretty gloomy. As a result, Hades nurses a grudge to take down Zeus and claim his rightful place as the main character of this horrid mess, although if I were him I’d just stay in the Underworld. It’s where the careers of most people involved in this monstrosity are headed anyway, so he could just show them Clash of the Titan’s Rottentomatoes score and get his revenge that way. Oh, and nice job making Death the villain, by the way. Edgy.

So flash-forward a few hundred years, and Perseus, one of Zeus’s myriad sons, is sailing with his foster-dad out on the open seas when Hades sends in some monsters to punish some humans for knocking down a statue of Zeus, and Perseus’s only family is killed in the crossfire. Already pissed off, Perseus’s mood doesn’t exactly improve when the Queen, being drunk, stupid, and utterly one dimensional, remarks that it’s now the age of man, and that her daughter is totally cool enough to be worshipped as a God. She goes on to refer to each and every one of the Gods as “total pussies” and remarks that “only, like, complete losers” don’t dramatically appear and demand her daughter’s sacrifice to the Kraken. Hades responds by dramatically appearing and demanding that Andromeda be sacrificed to the Kraken, a plot twist so shocking it leaves Andromeda’s mother completely speechless. “Acting like a total asshat to beings who can kill me with a fart and are notoriously vain and short-tempered has negative consequences? What madness is this?” her scared, poorly-characterized eyes seemed to say. And so Perseus volunteers to partake in a suicide mission to find some way to defeat the Kraken, leaving the town to puzzlingly call for the sacrifice of the fair-tempered, reasonable Andromeda and not the stupid, short-sighted idiot queen who caused this whole catastrophe. These people need a strong, manly Greek leader not afraid to kick people into death-pits and march into battle wearing a thong.

One of the most irritating (albeit pettiest) gripes I have with this movie is its title. There are absolutely no Titans in this movie, and the most epic clash is not the fight between Perseus and the Kraken, but rather between the writing and interpretation of Greek Mythology, which are fighting over who’s more mediocre. Really, this movie should be called Look! Look! We Have the Guy from Avatar fighting a Squid!, as the movie’s crappiness constantly reminds you that they cared far more about that than, say, any form of actual quality. For example, Zeus, despite knowing that Perseus and the rest of his crew’s stated objective is to destroy the Gods and everything they stand for, decides that he should arm the blood-thirsty scamp with various magical weapons and gadgets. That makes sense, right? Arming someone whose stated intention is to kill you with the most powerful tools you can give them? Even ignoring the fact that giving the gifts makes no sense, the movie couldn’t even give Perseus the gifts he actually got in the myth, where Zeus and him are best pals. At one point-I swear to Christ this is real-Perseus receives a lightsaber. I repeat: Perseus, ancient Greek hero, son of Zeus, is going to fight gorgons and harpies with a lightsaber. A white one. If they were going to rip off Star Wars anyway, they could have at least made it a good color.

Just as questionable is the choice of Io as Perseus’s love interest. First of all, Zeus and Io were having non-consensual sex way before Perseus was born, so considering that Zeus is Perseus’s dad, that situation has to be a teensy bit awkward. More pressingly, the movie changed Hera’s punishment towards Io for daring to be the victim of Zeus’s repeated sexual assault: Io, rather than being turned into a cow as in the myths, was instead cursed with immortal life. The horror! Giving her a trait usually reserved for relatives of the Gods or great heroes as a punishment! And she could have been turned into hamburger, too! I know I’d much rather be forced to crap where I stood and milked thrice a day than be young and beautiful forever.

In terms of acting, it matches the rest of the movie, in that it sucks and I hate it. The two big-name actors-Liam Neeson as Zeus and Sam Worthington as Perseus-decide to phone it in and hold in their emotions until they can have a temper tantrum with their agents for hooking them up with such a God-awful film. Everyone else is straight-up awful. The rest of Perseus’s friends are forgettable at best, and (in the case of two “hilarious” comic-relief mercenaries) most notable for confusing “funny accents and yelling” with “acting, characterization, and not being gigantic reminders of the poor quality of the film.” A special shout-out must go to Hades, whose performance as an evil mastermind is so unsubtle and hackneyed that I think he actually would have done quite well if given a suitably sinister moustache to twirl, and maybe a monocle.

Overall, Clash of the Titans comes off as a film that thinks that characterization, story, and mythological accuracy should take backseat to boring CG scorpions, boring fights with Perseus’s second dad (who’s a zombie, don’t ask), and one, really long, boring fight with the Kraken. The original 1981 film that of which this is a remake suffers most of the same problems, but its generic action sequences use awesome stop-motion skeletons, so it is clearly the superior film.

Don’t see this movie. Don’t even pirate this movie, because in order for that to happen, somebody else will have had to have seen the movie to film it. The best way to approximate the experience of this two hour abomination is to bang your head against a wall until you start to see cracks, then play through the opening levels of God of War 3 on hard difficulty with your controller upside-down, and then watch the last ten minutes of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest while letting a bird fly around near the TV and poop on everything. The more you cry, the more accurate it is. The only way this movie could possibly be worse is if they gave Sam Worthington a Hitler moustache, named the Kraken Winston Churchill, and called it Triumph of the Will 2: the Revengening.

Oh, and whoever played that one guy with the giant forehead zit who keeps whining about how great Hades is needs to be found and placed in some sort of Bad Actor Prison. Maybe real prison if one hasn’t been built yet.

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Organized and hosted by Western Civ teachers Dana Pattison and Linda Ryne, students “were required to make a primary source artifact ranging from 1933 to 1950,” according to Ms. Pattison, and “were supposed to zoom in on one particular aspect, a certain detail, rather than talk about the entire Holocaust.”

On May 4^th, students’ artifacts were put on display in Ms. Pattison’s room for other classes to view and admire.

“It was very informative,” said sophomore Brady Coggins, “the artifacts

[which the students made themselves] actually looked really realistic.”

And everyone else seemed to agree. “All the teachers would bring back multiple classes just because they loved it so much,” said sophomore Zach Klein.

It was so popular, Ms. Pattison said, that she “had to turn away teachers who wanted to bring their classes because all the slots were full.”

Students participating seemed to all appreciate the creativity of the assignment. “I thought it was a good way to understand the holocaust,” said Sarah Hoffman, one of Ms. Pattison’s students, “We had to do our research to understand the artifacts and make them look realistic.” Hoffman then added that she was glad they were able to share their work with other students. “I think it puts just how devastating the Holocaust was into perspective.”

In the end, The Holocaust Museum had none of the hitches one might expect for a project that has never been tried before and required such complete student participation. According to Ms. Pattison, “The students really rose to the challenge and created meaningful, poignant artifacts covering many aspects of the Holocaust.”

With the success of this years Holocaust Museum, it seems that an annual event has begun to both honor those lost in the Holocaust and to educate students on one of history’s darkest times.

Although Pattison has no personal connection to the Holocaust, she still believes it “must never be forgotten.”  She advises that not only must we “honor the memory of those who lost their lives,” but also educate ourselves.  “The Holocaust may be over,” says Pattison, “But persecution and discrimination remain.  By educating ourselves about the past, we can change the future.”

Ms. Pattison is looking forward to doing the project again next year and appreciates the worth of the project, saying, “The only way to tell the story of the Holocaust is through the voices of those who lived it. A museum brings to life what is a very meaningful human event.”

Liebestraum No.3 “Dream of Love” (Franz Liszt, Romantic Era) – this Hungarian pianist virtuoso is considered by most music historians as the first “rock star.” He rocked the piano and had the ladies throwing their handkerchiefs at him in adoration.

Symphony No. 9 “From the New World”: 4th Movement (Antonín Dvořák, Romantic Era) – Representing the Czech Republic, Dvořák (pronounced duh-vor-jacque) composed this symphony’s epic forth movement after making a visit to the United States.

Clair de Lune (Claude Debussy, Impressionist Era) – Shhhh. Just listen. The term “Clair de Lune” describes the grayish-blue glaze applied to porcelain. If sound could take physical forms available for translation by the eye, wouldn’t the beautiful melodies of this piece make you think of porcelain clouds clearing to reveal a charming blue sky?

“Fantasie” Impromptu Op. 66 (Frédéric Chopin, Romantic Era) – Can you believe that Chopin (pronounced show-pan) actually hated this piece so much that it didn’t get published until after his death? (Op. 66 is one of Chopin’s posthumous opuses) A demanding piece technically, Fantasie Impromptu features 4/3 polyrhythm, numerous time signature and key changes.

Habenera from Carmen (Georges Bizet, Romantic Era) – Sung by none other than Nana Mouskouri, this solo from the opera Carmen is so beautiful you’d think angels composed it.

Nocturne in E Flat Major Op. 9 No. 2 (Frédéric Chopin, Romantic Era) – Chopin’s the man. That is all.

Sonata Op. 27 No. 2 “Moonlight”: 3rd Movement (Ludwig van Beethoven, Classical Era) – Most of us have probably heard the calm and enigmatic first movement of Beethoven’s beloved “Moonlight” Sonata. But how many of us have heard of the intense and raw third movement?

Gymnopedie No. 1 (Eric Satie, Expressionist Era) – Although most people have never heard of the Expressionist Era, and even fewer of Eric Satie, that doesn’t stop this piece from being a great song to relax to. Listen to it, and imagine a scene in your head. What one’s head illustrates will vary from person to person, but the mood of it will almost always stay the same: peaceful.

The Four Seasons “Winter” Largo (Antonio Vivaldi, Baroque Era) – perhaps the most beloved of all Vivaldi works, the Four Seasons is a violin concerti that captures the spirit of Baroque music.

West Side Story Theme (Leonard Bernstein, 20th Century) – Bernstein was not only an American composer, but he was also a longtime music director for the New York Philharmonic Orchestra.

Montagues and Capulets (Sergei Prokofiev, 20th Century) – In the ballet Romeo and Juliet, this piece is titled “Dance of the Knights”. But it doesn’t matter what people call it because this piece demonstrates the awesomeness of Russian composition regardless.

The following playlist is a sampling of songs that are inspirational, many are stereotypical and common, but often times the most well know song is the most important. The music ranges from metal to reggae, and even contains a Disney song. They are specifically chosen to provide a wide berth of inspiration, for those of varying tastes.

Eye of the Tiger (Survivor): No song has ever been able to match the slow build up to splitting guitar which Survivor crafted. The song has one of the catchiest beats ever written, and still manages to work some piano in to supplement the key notes.

Don’t Stop Believing (Journey): Everyone has heard this song. But no matter how many times you listen to it, when you hear “just a small town girl” you start mouthing the words, and you and all your buddies break out into a chorus of “livin’ in a lonely world”.

Livin’ on a Prayer (Bon Jovi): I’ll be honest, I have a weakness for Bon Jovi. I just find his voice to be one of the greatest things on earth, there is just an intensity which makes me want to get up, and to put in simplest terms, strut. I want to strut and tell everyone to have a nice day.

Keep on Rocking in the Free World (Neil Young): The first time I heard this song, I was remarkably unimpressed by what I heard to be just standard guitar, I didn’t see anything special about the song. Then I listened to the words.

We’re Not Going To Take It (Twisted Sister): You would never connect this glam rock song to church music, but the song was inspired by O Come All Ye Faithful. It is fitting that such a rally call to a generation came from an age old rally call of faith.

No Sacrifice, No Victory (HammerFall): I’m not the worlds biggest fan of metal, but this song delivers something that (in my untrained opinion) most metal songs don’t, a clear positive message, understandable lyrics, and truly epic bone shaking vocals that don’t rely on just screaming.

Blitzkrieg Bop (Ramones): Simplicity is the nature of the Ramones well known hit, it doesn’t go for fancy instrumentals, it doesn’t go for fancy lyrics, it just captures that guttural feeling which pushes us to rise to the occasion.

Machine Gun (The Commodores): Sometimes inspiration from the most basic of human emotion, and in this case, happiness. This is simply the happiest song ever made. It doesn’t need vocals; the basic beat and light hearted playing fulfils the role of any clever rhyme.

I’ll Make a Man Out of You (Disney): Disney may be cheesy and childish, but it is undeniable that they seem able to capture the most basic truths in their songs, the purest meaning. When they wrote this song, they searched for a way to inspire both the soldiers in the film, and the audience to connect them to the struggle. They succeeded, and created the song I still listen to when I need to get pumped up.

Never Going To Give You Up (Rick Astley): Surprisingly, Rick Astley did not write this song with the intention of having millions see his music video as a prank. He wrote it to send a message. Granted, this message has been a little ruined by the millions of false links, but it’s still a real one.

The Safety Dance (Men Without Hats): Who would have thought a Canadian pop group would create the single greatest line ever “you can dance if you want to”. An anthem to independence, I find myself mumbling the words practically every week.

Dream On (Aerosmith): This song displays a different type of inspiration, in the vein of the previous playlist; it progresses from the simple roots of looking into a mirror and moving all the way to dreaming all the way until your dream comes true.

Get Up, Stand Up (Bob Marley): You wouldn’t think that such a relaxed song would be so, for lack of a better less sued word, inspirational. You hear Bob Marley jamming it about not giving up, and you just feel his message.

You Can Get It If You Really Want (Jimmy Cliff): It’s the trumpets. It’s the trumpets that make this song fantastic, they lend such a light and playful mood to the song which relaxes the listener and allows them to soak in the warm fuzzies.

Lean On Me (Bill Withers): Purity of message is a key part of inspiration, and Withers could not have done a better job illustrating his simple thematic statement of friendship. Nothing is more inspiring than knowing others have your back.

FIST PUMP!  Those who do it “like champs” know the perfect kind of music perfect for the action: house music.  Whether it is a remix or an original, house music has millions of fans all across Europe, and now America, jumping around and head banging to blaring 4/4.  Keep in mind, when listening, that one can only enjoy electro house music to its fullest when the speakers muffle out all other sounds.  So crank up that bass, put the volume to the maximum, and let the music make your body do whatever it feels like (nine out of ten, it’ll be a head bob).

The following playlist is but a small sample of some of the more popular songs.  The beats are guaranteed to make you want to go to a rave or, at least, stare at a strobe light for an extended period of time.  Let’s just say that this is quintessential party music for the new decade.

Moar Ghosts N Whatever (Deadmau5) – This ridiculously catchy piece comes from our good Canadian DJ Deadmau5 (pronounced dead mouse).  It’s actually the third in a series of songs, the first two of which are Ghosts N’ Stuff and Moar Ghosts N’ Stuff.

Da Funk (Daft Punk) – One of the earliest songs in house history that was actually popular, Da Funk was recorded in 1995.  It’s also by one of the most recognized artists: Daft Punk.

Bounce ft. N.O.R.E. (MSTRKRFT) – Perhaps MSTRKRFT’s (pronounced master craft) most popular song, Bounce is the perfect tune for any party, whether it be a one man rave or a music festival.

Knights of Cydonia The Integrals Remix (Muse, the Integrals) – So, imagine for a second that you took possibly the greatest contemporary rock band, and you made their song even more rock-out-able by adapting guitars, drums and bass to the synthesizer.  This, dear friends, is the result.  Enjoy.

Warp 1.9 (The Bloody Beetroots) – WHOOP! WHOOP! ‘Nuff said.

99 Problems vs. Phantom II (Jay-Z vs. Justice; mixed by Trashbag Kids) – They say Jay-Z goes with anything.  Who knew it would go so beautifully with Justice?  While not a big name yet, Trashbag Kids goes to show that, in house, big names aren’t the only ones who produce prodigious work.

Genesis (Justice) – Although not as upbeat, Genesis makes you feel ridiculously cool and really, really, really good looking (like Alexander Most and Derek Zoolander).  It’s the perfect walking song, simply because it will make walking that much more epic.

Fire Power (Wolfgang Gartner) – If you want to have a good dance jam, this is it.  It’ll make you want to fist pump a hole through the roof.

Pursuit of Happiness Steve Aoki Remix (Kid Cudi) – So, I heard you like Kid Cudi.  Well, if you also like house, and, even more specifically, Steve Aoki, this song will probably explode your brain.

Let Me Think About It (Ida Corr) – This Danish singer partnered up with Fedde le Grand to bring you this party jam.

I Feel You (Andi Vax & DJ Romantic & Erik) – This one’s more electro than house, but equally great for making your parents yell at you for playing awesome party music too loudly.

Who’s Your Daddy? (Benny Benassi) – This Italian DJ captures one of the four spirits that make up house music: meiosis (SEX).  If you think this song is hot, check out the music video.  However, take caution, as it is NSFW (Not Safe For Work) .

Put Your Hands Up For Detroit (Fedde le Grand) – Who cares if the song praises Detroit? It’s downright catchy!

Summer is in the air: the days are longer and warmer, the tensions of school stress are finally starting to slacken, and (most crucial of all) Hollywood is starting to churn out mindless, explosive action movies every weekend. The Losers signals the beginning this years’ series of pumped, bullet ridden summer action blockbusters. It won’t redefine action movies or buddy/team movies, but the film’s self-awareness and fun qualities make it a perfect way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

We meet the fabled special-ops team, who’ve dubbed themselves the Losers, on a black-ops mission in Bolivia. When they choose to disobey orders in favor of their own morals, they are betrayed by a powerful C.I.A. operative known only as Max. Unable to return home or do anything that would reveal the fact that they survived this betrayal, the team is forced to remain in Bolivia until a mysterious and beautiful woman (aren’t they all?) named Aisha offers to get them back home to carry out their revenge on Max. For the rest of the film, the Losers blow up cars, pull off heists, shoot a platoon’s worth of hired mercenaries, get betrayed a couple more times for good measure, and blow up more explosives. They also manage to save the world along the way. What keeps this from being a typical stock action film and being enjoyable is that the film knows exactly what it is, and what its audience expects of it. As such, the movie doesn’t take itself seriously and blazes through with both intense action set pieces and witty dialogue to deliver one of the more enjoyable mindless action romps in the last few years.

The team is composed of Clay, the grizzled leader of the team; Roque, Clay’s brutal, no-nonsense second in command ; Pooch, the team’s transportation expert (a.k.a. designated driver) the only married man on the team; Cougar, the quiet, ladies man sniper; and Jenson, the geeky technical expert who tells all of the jokes. Sound a little familiar? It probably is, but the actors really bring the fun out of all these characters in such a way that it doesn’t matter how familiar it seems. They have a genuine chemistry that makes the action scenes that more fun to watch because the characters are enjoyable, much like the Lethal Weapon films.

Most out of place here is Zoe Saldana, still hot off the success of Avatar. As Aisha, she needs to be mysterious, seductive, and dangerous. However, it’s hard to look dangerous when you dress for your missions like a low-end JC Penny catalogue model and strut whenever you carry your bazooka. It becomes increasingly difficult to believe Aisha has the skills of her fellow black-ops teammates and that she has a dark past when she looks like she could have been raised  in Beverly Hills. While none of these types of action movies would be complete without at least one slinky femme fatale strutting around in her underwear while gunning down corrupt C.I.A. grunts, it feels as though the filmmakers had to include a “bad-ass chick” and also a “sexy chick” and maybe even a “thoughtful, more-than-meets-the-eye chick” and they decided to combine all of these into one character in order to economize. It doesn’t drag the film down, but the issue with her character is noticeably there.

The villainous Max, played by Jason Patrick, is a silly if typical action villain. He behaves like a kind of businessman, although he seems unaware that killing your employees AND your trading partners after every deal does not gain one good press. Besides betraying highly valuable and incredibly dangerous black-ops teams, Max’s agenda involves acquiring unbelievably destructive bombs to make fake wars so that…well, it’s really irrelevant what he uses them for, because the main point we as the audience need to get is that he’s bad, he does bad things, his badness must be stopped at all costs, kill him already.

The Losers will deliver on an action and dialogue level, if not a plausible and sophisticated level. But the film knows this, and doesn’t distract itself by taking any of the proceedings seriously. What’s left is the kind of action packed buddy cop movies of the 80s and 90s, minus the ridiculous hairdos.