Browsing: Satire
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1 The Serious Nature of Clubs at M-A - Jacob Pfau
Photo credit: Gavin Rea Lost in the midst of the new year's wave of changes is the Administration's push for more serious clubs of didactic value. Just as Cornell notes have left us with beautiful memories, this club initiative has left us with such gems as the Tommy Club and the . . . (Continue Reading)
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0 The Awkward Moment (At School) When… - Anna Mayerson
Awkward moments are happening all around you. Let's face it: it's high school. Here are just a few of those awfully uncomfortable moments we can all relate to. Don't deny it; it's happened. The Awkward Moment (At School) When... You try to put your feet on the cage in front of you . . . (Continue Reading)
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2 When Cartoon Characters Go Bad - Madeline Drace
Earlier this month, a attempted to rob a convenience store. While this perpetrator’s bungled crime has left its own amusing mark on recent news, the demotion of Gumby to petty criminal has tainted the reputation of all other cartoon characters, the childhood pop culture icons we hold near and . . . (Continue Reading)
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2 KKK and Westboro Baptist Church Compete for Greatest American Scumbag - Madeline Drace
Loath as we are to admit it, America has long played host to hate groups. For a nation that was, supposedly, born from brotherhood and democratic cooperation, at least some of us put a lot of energy into antagonizing and hating “the others.” Throughout our history, hate groups have clashed . . . (Continue Reading)
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1 Steampunk, Robots, and Existential Dread: My Experience on Rapture Day - Sam Sexton
I’m not exactly somebody you could call religious. I’ve made it a habit to avoid churches and other religious institutions since that one time I entered one and burst into flames (the burns finished healing in April, NOT THAT ANYBODY ASKED), and while I used to be a devout Pastafarian, . . . (Continue Reading)
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0 B’ak’tun 13 Ahora: A Mayan Apocalypse, Now. - Madeline Drace
It seems as if the world is about to implode. Natural disasters have occurred left and right. From earthquakes, to tsunamis, to vast loads of dead marine life, something is not all right. The second millennium began with a series of floods in Africa and Asia. Indonesia had its share of . . . (Continue Reading)
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0 EXCLUSIVE! How to Decode What Magazine Covers Are REALLY Saying! - Lindsay Keare
You just got lured into reading this article. You’re not as smart as I thought you were. My flashy title drew you in, didn’t it? Magazine companies cover their glossy weeklies and monthlies with bold statements about the latest in celebrity gossip and fashion trends in an attempt to convince gullible Americans . . . (Continue Reading)
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0 Last Ditch Ways to Ask Someone to Prom - Payton Bush and Lillie Hedges
To all those out there still without a date for this Friday's "iProm", have no fear, there is hope for you yet. All you need to do is employ some of these handy-dandy methods, and you'll find yourself frantically searching for the right color corsage in no time. For girls, we . . . (Continue Reading)
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0 Sharks Attack 164 People In 111 Years. Victims Hoped For Coconuts. - Madeline Drace
Who is the fiercest predator of the deep? Could it be the killer whale? The giant squid? The jellyfish that killed Will Smith in that movie once? Certainly not. According to the beliefs of the majority of the populace, the greatest aquatic menace is the shark. As shown by . . . (Continue Reading)
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0 Satire: Le Big Gulp - Madeline Drace
One of the greatest problems ravaging the modern world is that of thirst. Millions of people do not have an adequate drinking supply. Their parched throats haunt them as a perpetual reminder of their suffering – an unforgiving obstacle between them and the higher echelons of humanity.
And that’s just the . . . (Continue Reading)
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0 Satire: Diplomacy or Death - Payton Bush
Day 1. After taking over all of France and Italy, your nation of Germany, and your ally, Britain, are basking in triumphant glory. The rest of Europe will soon be engulfed, and with your arsenal of battleships and mobile armies you see no immediate obstacles. Next is . . . (Continue Reading)
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4 Satire: February 14th, Verses of the Spinster - Madeline Drace, Not That She's Bitter Or Anything
Roses are red, Violets are blue. Valentine’s Day has come ‘round, And so I must stew. Youths’ eyes grow bright, With love that’s a first. And they’re next in line To get hit with my purse. I bicker, and grumble And scoff at their joy. Because I’m too wise To fall for love’s ploy. The chocolates they buy? In a shiny heart box? The . . . (Continue Reading)
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0 Satire: M-A U Rawr - Madeline Drace
The M-A bear remains one of the most elusive animals of the wilderness, primarily because it is rarely found in the wilderness. Rather, it hides from the wild, stealthily clad in human garments and nestled in the crevices of suburban homes. M-A bears, despite their unorthodox milieu, have . . . (Continue Reading)
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2 Satire: John Boehner, The American Citrus - Jon Friedman
Exemplifying the true American political spirit and fluorescently glowing with pride, John Boehner was appointed Speaker of the House January 3rd after the Republicans regained a majority of the seats in the House of Representatives. The helpless victim of delusion, Boehner insists that his name is not pronounced “boner." Anyone that . . . (Continue Reading)
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3 Satire: The Northern Revolution - Payton Bush
It’s everywhere. In our houses, in our schools, and in our minds. It’s preparing for domination. I’m talking, of course, about . “Why, it’s just a clothing company!” Well that, my naïve and delusioned audience, is where you are wrong. North Face has already beguiled most of today’s youth, with their conspicuous (and dare . . . (Continue Reading)
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