Opinion: My Quarter Life Crisis
Photo Credit: Melissa Gaherty
I guess you could say that this internal civil war started when I stepped on campus at the beginning of this year as a junior. Many people say that junior year is the toughest year and I agree. Now, the APs are not impossible and the material is do-able. The problem is stressing about the future and the grades that, as far as we know, will get us to the future we dream of.
It only took a couple months for me to turn into a zombie nazi junior. That is, I became completely involved in grades, worrying if I’ll go to college, studying profusely, and pretty much avoiding fun and passion altogether. This angered me. Why have I lost that passion for learning that I once had? Why has school become solely a routine and focused on grades?
Shelby Fero wrote in the M-A MArk that school has disappointed her. When I saw this, I was relieved to find out that I was not the only one who felt this way. In fact, I respected her ideas so much that I let her cut me in the car line after school in the M-A parking lot. Those who have ever gone through that after-school mess know what a sacrifice this is.
School, to me, has become a system. You must conquer the system, follow that one narrow road to be successful. If you lose your way or question it, the system will crash and you will stray from that road. Uniqueness seems out of the question, If you are not that stereotypical cheerleader with straight As that does charity work on the weekend and solves world hunger and works on a cure for STDs at night, then you simply will not go anywhere.
This is what we juniors, seniors, and anyone who strives to go to a respectable college think about. Miss Kane told my AP English class that we are more than a letter grade. The fact is, she is right. So why do we kill ourselves over an A on a piece of paper? Why are we only as good as what our transcript leads us to be?
We all want to see that A. But school has failed me because I have lost any passion for knowledge. All of us are greedy bastards, more worried about memorizing the curriculum than bothering to learn it.
To be fair, I cannot blame teachers, as their jobs are quite noble. I would never have the balls to teach 20-30 moody and bitchy teenagers. They want us to learn and encourage us to be great. I would rather blame society as a whole, but that would not be fair either. In fact, it would be the easy way out. Seeing as I have no alternative to the education system that would be efficient and effective, it would not be logical to do so.
I do, however, blame myself. I blame myself for giving into conformity and treating school as if it were a routine, not an opportunity. I blame myself for reducing my unique attributes and creativity to fit myself into the cookie-cutter slots school has forced upon us. You’re either struggling in an AP or falling asleep in a regular class. If your passion is math, why write? Apparently, we cannot just excel in one area, but are advised to conquer all subjects.
My advice to current and incoming juniors, seniors, and people in general: do not follow my lead. Do not think that because you failed biology but love english that you will not get into college. If you work hard and try to understand the material, accept that C instead of an A. Colleges may not see it on your transcript, but you will gain so much more than the grades on a piece of paper.
A thoughtful article . . . and I am truly excited to let you know that making the choice to “do high school” your own way is the right choice to make. Paragraph four (about the “one narrow road to be successful”) is, thankfully, entirely not the case, and I’m eager to reassure you and your classmates about that! (In fact, if it were the case, I’d quit my job. Fast.) Students who ARE successful (defined by me as having an array of wonderful college or other options when they are seniors) are those who forge their own paths, do their own thing, and never, ever, participate in anything because they believe it will “look good.” Colleges are not interested in automatons who march through high school doing what they think will “look good.” It just doesn’t work that way! Thank goodness!
I always hope students who have concerns about college-related matters will decide to come to the Career Center to talk to me about those concerns, or (for those who prefer to be a bit more anonymous) ask me questions by e-mail (AAKleeman@gmail.com). I would love to reassure you! That’s why I’m here.
AK
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Thank you Ms. Kleeman for making Junior year less stressful by answering all of our questions on colleges and SATs.
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Alice Kleeman Reply:
January 13th, 2011 at 10:59 pm
I never get tired of answering students’ questions, so keep ‘em coming! And thank YOU for writing such a thought-provoking article!
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Here-here,
I have many “successful” friends and many happy ones. The happiest follow their own beat.
You excel when you’re inspired.
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MELLY, this is amazing and so true. love it, you are brave to write this, you definitely represent all of us in this. I think if we all just step back and realize that we are here to be learning, not being robots to the system, we will all begin to enjoy the learning more. wonderfully written!
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Alice Kleeman Reply:
January 13th, 2011 at 11:02 pm
Diane, you’re on the right track, too! And amazingly, as if by magic, when you enjoy the learning more, as you suggest, you’ll end up with terrific college options, even though that wasn’t your primary goal!
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Mel,
this article is great. you are so articulate! Thank you for finally saying what has needed to be said for a long time. Even though there is truth to the fact that we aren’t doomed for life if we get a C, I think people should know the stress we are under. You are a great writer!
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I get my inspiration from 16 and Pregnant!
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Ollo! I just wanted to say a couple things. First off, thank you for writing that! So on point! Essentially a list of the reasons for my move. Definitely agree that everyone is being forced into a mold but I feel like it’s for different reasons (at least for me) than you stated. I think we students are relatively innocent in the matter.
“Do not think that because you failed biology but love English that you will not get into college.”
A person in that situation (excelling in one area and failing in another) will get into college, but probably not the college that has the best chance at giving them the education they want. So I would, sadly, recommend for that student to take classes that they may not find that interesting simply because that’s how the system works.
I blame the teachers for making “the system” completely unnecessarily brutal. I’m not saying that grade inflation should happen. I just think they really need to cut all the bull**** out.
What do I qualify as bull****?
Busy work, and “busy” memorization. Pretty much constants in my M-A experience. It seems like everything was just to weed out which students would work hard enough to “deserve” an A, instead of teachers actually doing their job: teaching. Very little in my high school experience thus far was learning centric. The result of all this “bull****” was to ruin my weekdays, and weekends (i.e., all of the week…). There was little or no room for critical thinking in so many of my classes; and in some classes, it was clearly discouraged, as manifested by getting lower grades on essays whenever I attempted to think outside the box.
“They want us to learn and encourage us to be great.”
If that’s true, they have a weird way of showing it. . . For example I understand that a certain teacher whom many high achieving juniors have, had to prepare us for the AP exam, but I don’t understand why that teacher rewarded our considerable efforts by consistently testing us on minutiae that was not going to be on the AP test and, at least from my understanding, had no significance. In addition the teacher never actually gave helpful lectures or demonstrated knowledge or excitement of/for the subject. Essentially an extreme example of what I disliked about M-A.
unless you can switch schools. I left because there was no way I’d ever sacrifice my passion for busy work (or anything for that matter).
To conclude: I blame the creation of the AP, a generally terrible institution (it’s no wonder why the top schools in the nation don’t have AP’s, Trinity School in Manhattan for instance), and the tyranny of sadistic teachers who give so many tests and assign so much work that have nothing to do with learning.
Giving into the mold really is the only way to get into a good college based on M-A’s criteria. Therefore, being miserable for junior year is the only way to get into a good college. Sacrificing uniqueness and any passionate pursuit to be able to focus on the endless, mindless work that teachers assign for no reason except (as previously mentioned) to weed out those who will work hard enough to get an “A” is the only way to get into a good college. That is…
“I blame myself for reducing my unique attributes and creativity to fit myself into the cookie-cutter slots school has forced upon us.”
If school is “forc[ing] upon us…cookie-cutter slots” then how is it our fault? Is it the downside of our ambition to be miserable, or the institution itself that is making us miserable that is to blame? I choose the institution. It’s hard for me to blame the noble idea of wanting to go to the best place to receive higher education for why junior year was terrible when it can be so clearly attributed to teachers giving ridiculous amounts of pointless work, while teaching the classes in ways that fall short of inspiring.
“Colleges may not see it on your transcript, but you will gain so much more than the grades on a piece of paper.”
You’re right. 100%. Allowing yourself to grow as a person instead of encumbering yourself with AP’s and advanced classes that you’re not interested in is the psychologically sound option. But as you said, “colleges may not see it on your transcript”. I’d edit that: if you’re only taking classes you find interesting, “colleges will not see your stress less intellectual bliss, but instead, a transcript which pales in comparison to that which you could have had”.
This is all redundant, but really what I’m trying to say is: don’t blame yourself. Blame the system. It’s broken, and getting worse.
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Melissa Gaherty Reply:
January 17th, 2011 at 7:08 pm
First off, I would like to say thank you to all my readers. I appreciate your comments and support. I encourage you to agree and disagree with me. To the student that transferred, I agree that the system is not perfect and M-A has various ups and downs. However, blaming anyone but yourself seems pretty pointless. Many of the students I know are completely involved in their grades, desperate for an A. What I am really trying to promote is a love for learning, not pointing fingers at teachers or the system. I hope you all can take that from this article.
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well done melissa! i completely agree with you.
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It is extremely easy to become swept up in the tide of grade-obsessed students. I’ve played the part, and I’m working on getting myself out and into “peaceful” learning.
The blame-game is not a good one to play, however it is important to understand where the problem comes from in order to change. I say it’s a combination consisting mostly students getting carried away and some busy-work teaching methods.
I too, Student Who Transferred, am changing schools, and it seems for the same reasons you left.
I too saw my weekdays and weekends become swallowed up by homework, homework for points rather than learning. I also felt I was a grade sitting in a chair, that my teachers saw and ranked me by that.
All the same, I agree with Melissa that a solution lies in changing my own attitude.
Ms.Kanes message taught me that teacher could like you and enjoy teaching you even if you didn’t do well in their class. I see now it’s mostly been my attitude that’s kept me miserable.
There are lots of way’s to change your attitude and perspective. My solution is to take a break from the rat-race to set my own priorities. So I’m going to The Mountain School for a semester.
I’ll going back to M-A though.
M-A’s got too much to offer to leave it for good.
M-A’s got diversity, tiny private institutions or alternative schools can’t give me that.
Mixed in with those rotten-apple busy work classes are some spectacular ones.
I know many M-A teachers who are passionate about their subject, who despise buys work, and want their students love the material rather than the grade. It is a gross generalization to condemn the entire staffing body for rendering students miserable.
They’re teachers who, for the most part, want to teach students well. Believe me, none of them are here for the money.
And if I can break the age-old habit of grade-obsession I’ll be able to enjoy them.
For me It’s not worth ditching M-A, loosing all those friends (students and teachers), because of a few horrible classes and a quantitative perspective.
P.S
I don’t agree when you discussed the “noble idea of wanting to go to the best place to receive higher education”
It is not noble to make yourself miserable in order to “look good” for college.
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Melissa I’m super honored you were inspired to write something in response to that Mark article (especially since it started as an errant thought) and doubly honored you let me cut you in the parking line.
I think you bring up really good points in the article – and I gotta say I’m a sucker for any sort of “zombie nazi” metaphor. But one thing I’ve found, and I tried to convey in my article, is that I’m more frustrated by the fact I can’t force myself to be that, well, zombie nazi. Even though last year I wanted to go home and read my AP US chapter, I’d pitch articles to Cracked.com. Even this year, when I KNEW my grade in calculus depended on the final, I spent the night before reading the screenplay to Good Will Hunting, that I finally found online. I never even get too upset about my grades because I know I’ll probably be fine in the long run, which maybe isn’t the healthiest attitude to take.
I don’t really even know what the point of this reply is, but I guess I think if you CAN force yourself to be that kid, then go for it. I have friends who did it, hell, my sisters did it. And they’re on track to graduate from two of the top universities in the country while I’m praying to get in anywhere. But if you can’t, like me, in the long run you’ll probably be fine.
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Barack Reply:
April 27th, 2011 at 1:58 pm
Shelby,
You will not last 2 semesters in college. Your comedic voice will be heard and preyed upon by other comedy writers. Best of luck.
Sincerely,
America
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