Photo Credit: Madeline Drace

There are those who are too concerned with the apocalypse, and those who could hardly care less.

It seems as if the world is about to implode. Natural disasters have occurred left and right. From earthquakes, to tsunamis, to vast loads of dead marine life, something is not all right.

The second millennium began with a series of floods in Africa and Asia. Indonesia had its share of earthquakes, and the Caribbean got sufficiently damper and windier.

Things then escalated: Bam, Iran, suffered a 6.6 earthquake, a 9.1 quake hit Indonesia, and Hurricane Katrina destroyed New Orleans.

In the past two years, Haiti has been hit by a 7.0 earthquake, Iceland’s Eyjafjallajökull has exploded, New Zealand endured a 6.3 quake, and, just barely four weeks ago, an 8.9 earthquake struck Japan.

And it’s all going according to the Mayans’ plan.

The Mayans, bitter over having lost their vast Yucatan Empire three centuries ago, warned us that the apocalypse would strike on December 21, 2012. They left future generations a lovingly chiseled calendar indicating exactly when humanity and the world at large would meet their ultimate doom. The most recent natural disasters stand as a sign that Mayan power has resurfaced, back from its jungle grave, out for revenge.

It all started with Nohochacyum, “Our True Lord,” when he decided that human kind wasn’t being destructive enough. He had seen our rapid industrialization and greed grow to monumental size. But, given the timeframe that everything has to end in 2012, Nohochcyum thought things weren’t up to speed.

So, he called on his pals, war gods Buluc Chabtan and Ah Chuy Kak, to turn us against one another. And he’s succeeded: violence and genocide have ravaged parts of Africa, the Middle East has been entrenched in turmoil for decades. Even on a personal level, we, as humans, do not trust one another as much as we have in years past. The world over, there’s an underlying, roiling tension.

The god Cabrakan has seen to the earthquakes, for the most part adhering to the Ring of Fire. But sometimes, as was seen in Haiti, he’ll stray from the conventional path and attack somewhere entirely unexpected, just for a goof. Zipacna, the “demonic personification of the earth’s crust,” has lent his aid to dabble in tectonic happenings.

Chac, the god of rain and thunder, is responsible for the floods, storms, and monsoons. Yaluk, the chief lightning god, helps make Cha’s workplace not so dreary. He also gives him light to work by.

Not to be forgotten, Chac Uayab Xoc, god of fishermen, has left his own mark on the imminent apocalypse by killing vast numbers of fish and marine birds, the carcasses of which have washed up on shores about the globe, such as in L.A, England, and Australia.

Masaya oversaw volcanic explosions. The sheer magnitude of Eyjafjallajökull was probably mostly due to her own vexation at having to do her work in a country so cold and so far north.

While these gods wreak their havoc, Ah Pukuh and Cum Hau, gods of death, skulk about the globe, claiming life after life for their own.

And while this is all happening, Toltex, the god of chaos, frolics and cackles in the background.

With the aim of not being total prats, medicine gods Ahau Chamahez and Cit-Boon-Tum try to aid the survivors of natural disasters. However, their efforts come too late for the hundreds of thousands of people who are already dead. Hopefully they’ll manage to do some ounce of good to the millions who have been displaced.

If things don’t go according to plan, the gods will simply try again, create a new world, and give it a similar life expectancy. It took them three tries to get this one, maybe the fifth time will be a charm.