Why California is the Bee’s Knees

Payton Bush
March 11, 2012

Ahem. So, California is the absolute best. Like, really.

Sorry I couldn’t think of a better opening; there were some gnarly waves on my way surfing to school and my mind hasn’t really caught up with me yet. I might need to go zen it up on my yoga mat and enjoy some non-fat granola with my soy espresso latte. Maybe later though. For now, I’ve got a bone to pick with the rest of the nation.

It’s come to my attention, via the Huffington Post (HuffPo),  that the rest of America has grown weary of California and its progressive ways. Apparently our winter days and California gurls are just too hot to handle, and the rest of the US wants to shun away the state with, oh, only the happiest place on the planet: Disneyland.

But hey America, that’s your choice. After all, you don’t need freshly grown produce or organic dairy products in the months of the year where you can’t grow your own. I suppose you don’t really want the variety that we have to offer without our diverse crops and population. I guess also that you guys have plenty of your own bees to pollinate your plants. Oh, wait…

We’re called the Golden State for a reason. We’ve got a rich history built upon the work of many, and we’re continuing on the tradition with our Golden Hollywood stars. Speaking of which, we’ve got Hollywood, city of stars; Los Angeles, city of angels; San Francsisco, city of cold tourists in shorts; and San Diego, city of beaches and shopping.

This all might sound superficial, but where else are you going to find what California has to offer? Heck, it’s even easy to find California itself! The only time I’ve been able to find Wyoming on a map is when my eighth grade teacher threatened death if I didn’t pass my states test. No offense, Wyoming. We have nothing against the Equality State.

As much as we like equality, we like another “e” word as well: economy. Silicon Valley is driving forth the nation with technological advances whilst promoting job and business growth. Our state GDP is larger than Canada’s. Where’s the bad part in that, eh? First we got the money, then we got the power, now we’ve got the…Apple products. Y’all know you loves ya iProducts. And Google, the world’s threshold guardian to knowledge these days, is right smack dab here!

And smack dab here we’ve got the Sierra Nevadas, the Pacific Coastline, the palm dotted oases, and the Redwood Forests. We can ski, bike, camp, surf, swim, rock climb, hang-glide, para-sail, SCUBA dive, use ATVs, and, the most strenuous of all, tan. Spoiler alert for any California newbies out there, though: the Pacific is COLD.

And—sorry to you other states out there—California is respected by those around the world a little more than America as a whole. Seriously, say you’re a Californian rather than an American. Unless they’re screaming conservatives, they’ll be happy to have you around! Especially if you answer the most frequently asked question: yes, girls wear “bikinis on top” to school.

In fact, it’s great to be able to prove or disprove the California stereotype. Everyone is bleached blond with fake tatas or gigundo muscles, who surfs and smokes weed while constantly obsessing over health. I mean, maybe not always a pleasant person all in all, but a bit better than drunken orange people…? (Just kidding Jersey; we’ll always love you for the Sopranos)

In all seriousness though, California is an influential state to the rest of the nation, both culturally and politically. We’re often mocked by others for being “hippies” and and any combination of liberal-socialist you can imagine, but we value our population and at least try to provide for them as best we can. I love being a member of a caring, interesting state, and even if I move later in life I’ll always consider myself a Californian.

So, people who participated in that poll, my conclusion:

Y’ALLS JUS JEALOUS.

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Comments

22 Responses to “Why California is the Bee’s Knees”

  1. Jenna on March 11th, 2012 3:02 pm

    love this article, so funny and true!

  2. Alison Myoraku on March 11th, 2012 4:09 pm

    love it! it really is a great state, and the temperature is perfect year round.

  3. Hannah Ellefritz on March 11th, 2012 8:10 pm

    Hahahahahahahaha I love the picture!

  4. Margaret Ringler on March 13th, 2012 3:08 pm

    When I lived in france and whent to this tiny middle school a student once asked me if I was from California or America. He thought I was joaking when I said both…

  5. Melissa Gaherty on March 15th, 2012 2:06 pm

    What a colorful and hilarious way to represent our state :)

  6. Maya on March 15th, 2012 2:28 pm

    Hahaha this is too good. Good article, Payton

  7. Lindsay Keare on March 15th, 2012 3:10 pm

    It always comes down to jealousy! I absolutely love this article, Payton!

  8. Jenna F on March 15th, 2012 4:35 pm

    The comic is great!

  9. Maya on March 15th, 2012 7:49 pm

    Hahaha this is too good! Great article, Payton

  10. Charlotte on March 16th, 2012 8:59 am

    Great job payton, sooo funny!

  11. amacfarlane on March 16th, 2012 4:47 pm

    Stay strong Wyoming. We’re just not good with maps.

  12. Aditya Sinha on March 16th, 2012 5:41 pm

    lol

  13. megan on March 19th, 2012 7:34 am

    Great job on the article Payton!

  14. Ross Dairiki on March 20th, 2012 6:17 am

    Great article Payton! And the picture is amazing!

  15. Zoe Pacalin on March 21st, 2012 8:28 pm

    funny! good job!

  16. Anna Mayerson on March 22nd, 2012 8:17 pm

    Yea and our sun kissed skin is so hot that we’ll melt your popsicle! Great Job Pay!

  17. Zoë Nuyens on March 23rd, 2012 2:33 pm

    Awesome article! I also think California is the bee’s knees.

  18. hu on March 23rd, 2012 2:52 pm

    nice article !

  19. Cassie Stansberry on March 23rd, 2012 2:53 pm

    i love it!!!

  20. Caleb O'neel on March 23rd, 2012 2:53 pm

    According to a recent study, people “hate” the things they most desire

  21. Madeline Dutton-Gillett on March 26th, 2012 3:11 pm

    This is an amazing article Payton!!! Really funny and insightful!

  22. C on April 18th, 2012 5:21 pm

    This is so wittingly written and funny! And true