Post-Modernism: Have You Been Drinking the Kool-Aid, Too?

Written by Joseph Rabinovitsj

Photo Credit: Joseph Rabinovitsj

No longer will such schlock be peddled and take advantage of the glory- and culture-hungry.

The Jackson Pollock Association of America (JPAA) recently announced that the 70-year-long postmodern “jig is up.” After explaining how, whilst on an acid trip in 1942, Jackson Pollock decided to see if he could successfully dupe the American public with “random blobs of paint,” the spokesman for the JPAA exclaimed, “You’ve been punk’d,” then dropped the microphone. The JPAA declared that after 70 years of making Americans value postmodern art, or “pictures a four-year-old could make,” the fact that the American public continues to pretend to value postmodern art is “just getting sad.”

Paul Simon, the current president of the JPAA, is the only person alive who remembers the original LSD-induced stupor during which Jackson Pollock announced his plan to confuse the world. Simon decided to release the truth about postmodernism when he decided that in his old age, keeping a secret of such magnitude was throwing his “good vibes” off balance.

The reactions of the spectators of this press conference were of an expected magnitude considering that their conception of art history had just crumbled before their eyes. A member of the Andy Warhol society threw a banana, which narrowly missed Simon’s face upon hearing that Warhol was a member of a sham artistic movement.

Provoked by the flying banana, Roy Lichtenstein felt as if sound effects were necessary to enhance the Warhol representative’s anger and thus exclaimed “WHIZZZ” as the banana passed by Simon’s face, then “BOOM” as it landed on the floor. Amidst the hubbub, Salvidor Dalí rose from the grave, exclaimed “rhinoceros,” ran in a circle, and died for the second and most likely final time.

Despite the madness and chaos that prevailed at the shattering of the validity of the postmodern movement, members of the post World War II Existentialist cult briefly convened together, high-fived, then dispersed when they remembered that they’re all alone in the absurd sea of existence.