Post-Modernism: Have You Been Drinking the Kool-Aid, Too?

Source: Joseph Rabinovitsj

Joseph Rabinovitsj

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The Jackson Pollock Association of America (JPAA) recently announced that the 70-year-long postmodern “jig is up.” After explaining how, whilst on an acid trip in 1942, Jackson Pollock decided to see if he could successfully dupe the American public with “random blobs of paint,” the spokesman for the JPAA exclaimed, “You’ve been punk’d,” then dropped the microphone. The JPAA declared that after 70 years of making Americans value postmodern art, or “pictures a four-year-old could make,” the fact that the American public continues to pretend to value postmodern art is “just getting sad.”

Paul Simon, the current president of the JPAA, is the only person alive who remembers the original LSD-induced stupor during which Jackson Pollock announced his plan to confuse the world. Simon decided to release the truth about postmodernism when he decided that in his old age, keeping a secret of such magnitude was throwing his “good vibes” off balance.

The reactions of the spectators of this press conference were of an expected magnitude considering that their conception of art history had just crumbled before their eyes. A member of the Andy Warhol society threw a banana, which narrowly missed Simon’s face upon hearing that Warhol was a member of a sham artistic movement.

Provoked by the flying banana, Roy Lichtenstein felt as if sound effects were necessary to enhance the Warhol representative’s anger and thus exclaimed “WHIZZZ” as the banana passed by Simon’s face, then “BOOM” as it landed on the floor. Amidst the hubbub, Salvidor Dalí rose from the grave, exclaimed “rhinoceros,” ran in a circle, and died for the second and most likely final time.

Despite the madness and chaos that prevailed at the shattering of the validity of the postmodern movement, members of the post World War II Existentialist cult briefly convened together, high-fived, then dispersed when they remembered that they’re all alone in the absurd sea of existence.

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18 Responses to “Post-Modernism: Have You Been Drinking the Kool-Aid, Too?”

  1. Annalise Deal on March 22nd, 2012 7:50 pm

    This story is too funny, love the existentialist comment at the end!

  2. Harrison on March 22nd, 2012 9:07 pm

    great piece

  3. LL on March 22nd, 2012 10:02 pm

    As an art enthusiast, I admit that ever since childhood – perhaps age four, when I myself decorated my walls with Pollock-esque splatters – I’ve been wary of his work. Thanks, Joseph, for confirming my suspicions. (I still love Dali.)

  4. akim on March 22nd, 2012 10:44 pm

    gotta love that postmodern art. good job joseph!

  5. Zoë Nuyens on March 23rd, 2012 2:34 pm

    Nice article. Very enlightening.

  6. rick james on March 23rd, 2012 2:45 pm

    I drink kool aid

  7. Gavin Rea on March 23rd, 2012 2:47 pm

    So is this your Florio paper?

  8. Payton Bush on March 23rd, 2012 3:06 pm

    “rhinoceros!” haha great job broseph

  9. David Schmitt on March 23rd, 2012 3:23 pm

    Who painted the stunning work in the feature photo?

  10. monika richardson on March 23rd, 2012 3:49 pm

    funny but really informative, great job

  11. amacfarlane on March 23rd, 2012 4:30 pm

    Finally some truth and some closure in the debate over modern art. The number of references in here is superb, and existentialists convening to high-five is truly a wonderful image.

  12. Margaret Ringler on March 23rd, 2012 4:30 pm

    I always assumed post-modern art was something I’d “grow into.” I’ve been growing for quite a while but I haven’t’ seen an improvement.

  13. msheffield on March 23rd, 2012 5:24 pm

    very funny article, good stuff

  14. Lauren on March 23rd, 2012 6:55 pm

    really funny, great article!

  15. Kurt Songer on March 25th, 2012 3:10 pm

    9/10, would read again

  16. Madeline Dutton-Gillett on March 26th, 2012 2:53 pm

    great article, I have to admit, I like to look at blobs of paint and such…

  17. smoimoi on March 26th, 2012 2:54 pm

    great article…

  18. Melissa on March 26th, 2012 3:04 pm

    so funny…

Post-Modernism: Have You Been Drinking the Kool-Aid, Too?