Satire: Plague Hits M-A

Written by Ben Wiener and Nolan Martin

Photo Credit: Ben Wiener

Many classes like this one were left completely empty as a result of the plague that has claimed the well-being of many students. (staged)

Hundreds of M-A students were absent Wednesday due to a plague that has ripped through the school. The attendance office was inundated with calls from worried parents saying that their children would not be attending class as a result of this mysterious sickness.

School administrators have been searching for what could be a possible cause of this plague, but at this point are taking precautions to prevent its spread.  For the first time this year, soap dispensers in the bathrooms were refilled in an attempt to reduce the spread of germs through unwashed hands. Administrative Vice Principal Karl Losekoot was also rumored to be at the Menlo Park train station preventing any students who may be afflicted with the plague from getting on the train and spreading it to others.  “We’re just doing what we can to keep this plague from spreading beyond the confines of Menlo-Atherton,” said Losekoot of his decision to stake out the train station.  Thankfully, the plague did not spread to those attending the parade being held in San Francisco to celebrate the Giants’ World Series victory.

Though many students have been afflicted with this extremely contagious sickness, the administration is expecting them to make quick recoveries, and anticipate that most of the students who were out Wednesday will return to school within the next few days. In the meantime, school officials are remaining optimistic with regard to students’ health.