Satire: Plague Hits M-A

Ben Wiener

Hundreds of M-A students were absent Wednesday due to a plague that has ripped through the school. The attendance office was inundated with calls from worried parents saying that their children would not be attending class as a result of this mysterious sickness.

School administrators have been searching for what could be a possible cause of this plague, but at this point are taking precautions to prevent its spread.  For the first time this year, soap dispensers in the bathrooms were refilled in an attempt to reduce the spread of germs through unwashed hands. Administrative Vice Principal Karl Losekoot was also rumored to be at the Menlo Park train station preventing any students who may be afflicted with the plague from getting on the train and spreading it to others.  “We’re just doing what we can to keep this plague from spreading beyond the confines of Menlo-Atherton,” said Losekoot of his decision to stake out the train station.  Thankfully, the plague did not spread to those attending the parade being held in San Francisco to celebrate the Giants’ World Series victory.

Though many students have been afflicted with this extremely contagious sickness, the administration is expecting them to make quick recoveries, and anticipate that most of the students who were out Wednesday will return to school within the next few days. In the meantime, school officials are remaining optimistic with regard to students’ health.

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Comments

11 Responses to “Satire: Plague Hits M-A”

  1. egrose on November 1st, 2012 4:25 pm

    How unfortunate! I’m so glad everyone had a quick recovery, and was able to return to school today fully free of this widespread sickness.

  2. Hannah on November 1st, 2012 9:56 pm

    Unfortunately I caught this! It was absolutely awful and I was one of the many students unable to go to school on Wednesday. The picture of this class does not surprise me at all! Great article!

  3. sparish on November 1st, 2012 10:06 pm

    It’s really horrible that so many people were affected by this plague. I’m glad everyone seems to be better and that it didn’t spread!

  4. sgoodman on November 2nd, 2012 7:02 pm

    what a shame. maybe it was brought on by their overwhelming joy at the giants winning the world series?

  5. David Schmitt on November 2nd, 2012 7:37 pm

    At least it wasn’t MeninGiants…

    amacfarlane Reply:

    Alright, David, I’ll give you credit for this one… Keep this caliber every week, and we’ll be in for a good year!

  6. Brian on November 6th, 2012 11:31 pm

    It’s incredible how hard giants fever hit the peninsula.

  7. Katie Gaherty on November 14th, 2012 8:58 pm

    The giants are a very reasonable excuse for being at school… Maybe they just should have cancelled school for the day.

  8. Evan on November 15th, 2012 10:16 pm

    Oh no! I hate to see my friends get sick. Just to be optimistic at least the giants won the world series and are rightfully celebrating in down town SF.

  9. mrichardson on December 17th, 2012 2:27 pm

    I remember when i was sick, such a fun day! Nice reporting Joseph

    Nolan Martin Reply:

    Where does Joseph come from in all of this?