Satire: Admin Unlocks Secret of Time Travel
November 2, 2012
This afternoon, like every afternoon, I mindlessly strolled out of my house to my mailbox to get my mail. I expected to find the usual collection of bills, magazines, and Netflix videos. I could never have expected how much today’s mail run would change my life, history, and the very fabric of the universe as we know it.
When I re-entered my house and began to skim through the mail, I saw an envelope from M-A addressed to my parents. I assumed that it was the quarterly grade report so I opened the envelope. After pulling out the report, the words “Q1 Quarter Reporting Card” caught my eye. Naturally, I figured that it was referring to this past quarter. How naive of me.
I then saw four red numbers that changed everything: “2011.” I had just traveled back in time.
All I remember was a flash of the red numbers, a whirring sensation, and a glimpse of the blue tube at the beginning of Dr. Who episodes when I first time traveled. Suddenly I came to my senses and saw that the TV was on, presenting a strange yet familiar face, like one of an old, long-lost friend. It took me a moment to realize that it was Ron Paul, giving a speech back when he thought he had a shot at winning the primaries. It had really happened, I was back in 2011.
After a few minutes of being in 2011, during which I could live in fear of Osama Bin Laden’s plots to attack the United States with brief intervals of relief that the world had another year to exist, I saw the blue Dr. Who tube again and I was back in 2012.
The first thought that crossed my mind upon returning to 2012 was how M-A could have unraveled the mystery of time travel. Did they stumble upon it accidentally? Has this been a top-secret project in the works for a while? How many people knew about it? Was it just the lower administrators? or was this a project that went all the way up to Zito? I had too many questions. I needed answers.
I immediately rushed over to M-A, ran into the Administration office, and slammed my time-portal report card on Ms. Kennel’s desk and asked “how?”
Ms. Kennel looked back at me and said coolly “M-A pride can MAke the impossible possible.”