Satire: Alarming Deficit of Christmas Cheer

Photo Credit: Samantha Parish

Students find it shameful that there aren't more store displays like this one.

As Christmas approaches, students are reportedly devastated by the lack of Christmas-themed commercials and decorations. The absence of snowflakes, red, bows, reindeer, and elves in absolutely every location possible leaves the world around us empty and joyless, giving the sense that it is not truly the holiday season and it never will be.

It is widely believed that Santa, who has close ties to malls and stores across the world, instructed the industry that this year, Christmas is cancelled, as he needs time to deal with his recent diabetes diagnosis. While that may serve as a temporary explanation for holiday spirit’s failure to saturate everything in sight, the public requires a far more satisfactory answer.

One distraught student wept,  “How can I celebrate when there are commercials that don’t pressure you into buying gifts? It doesn’t feel like Christmas without them. I can’t do it. I just can’t.”

Indeed, on every single surface, there has been a disturbing shortage of ads featuring people frolicking in the snow under towering gift-wrapped boxes, candy canes, strange but industrious tiny people, and an immortal, magical, overweight old man watching you 24/7 in order to discern naughty or nice behavior–the very images composing the backbone of holiday spirit.

Another student remembers a particularly spirited Christmas season in which he arrived at the mall early during last year’s Black Friday. “We got there a couple hours before it opened, before lots of people got there. I even met Santa in the parking lot and got a photo with him. That was one of the best times I’ve ever had.”

“I had to give him my wallet, but it was so much better than that one time when I sat around the fireplace with all the people I love, laughing at my grandparents’ stories for our last Christmas together as a true family,” he adds. “Boy, that sucked.”