Satire: M-A’s Speiker Pool Water Mysteriously Disappears
Last Friday morning, physical education teacher Pam Wimberly discovered that all of the water in the Speiker Pool had gone missing. Because of the school’s new prep period, Wimberly had entered the pool area early in order to prepare for her first period PE class.
“My first reaction was just… ‘What?’” explains Wimberly. “I quickly contacted all of the other gym teachers to see if a pool cleaning had been scheduled.”
“It hadn’t” she regretfully added. “I called Podesta, Wilmurt, even Carson, and none of them knew what I was talking about.” After Wimberly had called every other physical education teacher on the roster, she then contacted the administration. They did not have an official pool cleaning scheduled, which garnered a large amount of concern from the administration, especially Vice Principal Losekoot.
Losekoot, who is the current head chairman of the Pool And Chlorine Maintenance Association or PACMAN for short, was completely speechless when he heard the news. “I initially thought that Pam was playing an April fools joke on me. But then I looked at my calendar and realized it wasn’t April first. It was October.”
The Atherton police were soon brought onto the scene and a full investigation was immediately opened. Lieutenant Brim, who had previously helped M-A catch the Bear Statue Bandit and the infamous Spicy Chicken Sandwich Fiend, said that there weren’t any concrete leads to go on. “We surveyed the scene quite thoroughly, but came up with almost nothing to go on. There weren’t any cracks or holes in the bottom or sides of the pool. So that means someone had to literally siphon or drink all of that pool water. If there is a single person who could drink all of that water, God bless his soul.”
On the evening of the same day the pool was discovered empty, history teacher Alan Perry was pulled over for a traffic violation. Upon warranting a search, the police found close to one thousand gallon jugs of chlorinated water in the trunk of Perry’s vehicle. Police have not yet made a statement about the possible connection between this and the missing pool water.