Satire: ‘Save the Bay’ to be Renamed ‘Pave the Bay’
As of today, the Board of Directors for the Save the Bay foundation publicly filed for a permanent company name change. If all goes well, the non-profit organization will be officially renamed Pave the Bay next Monday.
All members of the board were unavailable for an interview, however the receptionist at the building where they are located was more than happy to answer any questions we had.
“Well, as I understand it, they’ve kind of given up on saving the bay” says Sally Plank, the receptionist for the building where they are located. “I think the board has realized that it’s kind of hopeless.”
Ms. Plank’s assumptions aren’t far from the truth. Over the course of the organization’s fight for bay upkeep, the people of San Francisco have dumped over sixty tons of toxic materials, oil, and bacon bits directly into the waters.
According to their website, Pave the Bay has declared that they “will be flipping a complete 180 on their stance of saving the bay.” They claim that within ten years they “will successfully turn the polluted bay into a brand new skate park complete with grinds, ramps, bowls, and vending machines.”
They hope to break the Guinness world record for “Largest Skatepark in an Urban Area” with the freshly blueprinted park covering the entire perimeter of the bay itself. Although many oppose this idea, Plank claims that “It’s time to wave the white flag and just give up. The Bay is more oil than water now anyway.”
However, upon releasing the information that bacon bits will be featured in the vending machines, protesting decreased by over eighty percent.