Satire: Apple Unveils the New iDesk
At this year’s Pro-Electronics and New Interactive Social Media Exposition, Apple Corporation released an exclusive sneak peek of their new product: the iDesk.
At the Expo, CEO Tim Cook opened with an in-depth timeline of Apple’s product history via PowerPoint (Copyright Ⓒ 2014 Microsoft Corporation). He took the audience on a journey through time starting with the very first iPod and ending with the Lite iPad Mini Air iCloud App Drive.
But after the audience applauded what seemed to be Cook simply taking credit for another man’s hard work, he continued the presentation saying, “But now, we are jumping to a brand new level and the hype has never been more prominent. For the first time, I am pleased to present the iDesk, a breakthrough in sedentary life-style technology. Long gone are the times of actual cell-phones. Now all you have to do is simply place your ear to your desk and say ‘Hello? H-Hello? Can you hear me? God I should have never bought this f***ing thing!’ Simply amazing.”
When asked to comment, Holographic Steve Jobs had this to say: “The product went through a lot of different phases. After a successful launch of the iPad, which was basically just a larger version of the iPhone, it was clear that bigger was better. So the challenge was to produce a product that was both physically larger than its successor as well as a product that we knew people would use in their everyday lives. We started with the iCube, a six-screen, three dimensional version of the iPad. Production costs were very promising, since we only had to glue six iPads together. But after a period of one to two weeks, they began to fall apart. I blame China.
“From there, we moved onto the iMat, which is exactly what it sounds like. At first, it seemed promising. The sales for the yoga app skyrocketed by a whopping 300%. Unfortunately, we were not able to successfully create one that could support the average American’s body weight. Every single prototype was eventually crushed.
“But finally, we settled on the iDesk: a fun, creative, Apple product by the Apple Corporation that you will buy. You will buy it. Buy it.”